Spouses have a voice too!
Or do they?
Sometimes in the case of the military, one often wonders if the feelings of a spouse are even considered during the decision-making process. The only answer you hear in the process is, “This is the government.” That answer isn’t good enough for many who expect life as a military spouse to be the same as it is for your average government job – Monday to Friday, 8-4:30, all holidays and weekends off. Unfortunately, life in the military is not a Monday to Friday job, and for those spouses who cannot adjust to that type of routine, the road will be long and rough.
That doesn’t mean that spouses are weak if they find life as a military spouse not what they have envisioned. After all, for many it means giving up a career of their own to travel from place to place. It also may mean that you will be unable to accept a job in your chosen field because of routine moves that potential employers are not willing or able to accept. You may find yourself working at the local Commissary or Bx instead of as a supervisor or Manager at the local bank where you worked previously. It’s hard to climb up the corporate ladder, when that ladders is always moving.
This isn’t the kind of life that everyone can accept, and for those who choose not to do the traveling, it means a long distance marriage where you stay behind and become the primary caregiver of the children and have little time with your spouse. The question is which is the lesser of the two evils—giving up your job and traveling the world with your spouse and children or staying behind with your children and seeing your spouse only on leaves or weekend passes if he or she is stationed close enough to do that.
Is there an easier way? Shouldn’t a spouse have a say in the length of time one is allowed to remained stationed on one base?
Unfortunately, that depends upon the rank, service time, and type of job the spouse performs for the military. A great deal may also have to do with the branch of service—the Navy, for example, may require your spouse to be on a ship for up to three of every four or five years, and though that may mean time apart, it may also mean that you will remain in one port for a longer period of time. When there are choices, they have to be between the husband and wife—the military is not going to make any concessions for the fact that your spouse doesn’t like moving every year or two or that your kids are tired of changing schools and leaving their friends.
Being a military spouse is not an ideal situation for raising children or having a “normal” marriage, but if you accept that from the beginning, it will be less difficult. Children tend to adapt if you accustom them to it from birth because it’s the only life they know. If, as a spouse, you make the conscious decision that you are going to take it in stride, then you will fare much better. Find a career that doesn’t mind if you move around frequently or become involved with the many employment contractors that exist all over the world. Take the time to enjoy the experience instead of complaining about what you could have had, and the transition to life as a military spouse seeking employment will be much easier or everyone. Make it your choice to accept the situation as normal. Use your voice to support the work your spouse does rather than to voice your frustration you’re having finding a job as a military spouse.